Sacrifice

Every now and then, I get insomnia. Last night I couldn't sleep.

There are images and images flashing by in front of my eyes, several a second. Some are about things that I remember and know, and some other ones are totally unknown and new (or unknown and old). After a while, it gets boring, they don't let me go to sleep.

So, I ask them to please leave me alone, so I can sleep. But they are too busy with their own problems and issues to listen to me.

And I finally decide to sacrifice them. Sacrifice my bond to them, my connection to them, to the internal fire of life. Let them burn, so the self can live.

It's a sacrifice that I don't know if many people can relate to. I believe that for all the connections we have to things that we don't like, there is some deep reason that we voluntarily keep inside us. Fear is a prime example. We fear being alone. But whenever we ARE alone, we pay extra attention to it. It consumes us, BECAUSE we are afraid of it.

So, I try to sacrifice that connection. Tell myself that deep inside it's not mine, because the impeccable self has no connections like that. It's the self that I know I am, but fail to materialize.

And the night goes on, one sacrifice after the other, one tear after the next.

In the morning, I feel a bit different.

Or, do I?